Another day, another doc.
Another accident? At the doctor's office? You kidding?
What kind of a klutz am I? Was I born accident prone? Or does it go back to bad balance at my base, from toes, so crooked I could hang by them from a tree.
Who gets taken out by a treadmill in the doc office at the hospital?
At a routine checkup, I mentioned shortness of breath. My primary doctor heard a heart murmur. She insisted I follow up with a cardiologist. Pronto. Eight months later, (you know how long it takes to get an appointment with a specialist) I finally got in with the specialist.
After an EKG and a battery of tests, the cardiologists diagnosed arrhythmia in the upper and lower chambers of the heart. Then she wanted me to take a stress test and walk on a treadmill.
“I need to measure your heart beat under exertion,” she explained as she hooked me up. “Every three minutes, I 
will increase the speed and incline on the treadmill.”
The first six minutes, I was fine and feeling chuffed to bits. Then at the nine minute level, she cranked up thetempo.
“You still doing okay?” she asked.
“Un huh,” I grunted, huffing and puffing like a steam engine, feeling light-headed and wobbly and cursing myself. (Ever the damn athlete still competing for a better time, I continued gasping for oxygen.)
That’s enough!” the doc exclaimed, “we’ll stop here!”
I stopped.
The treadmill did not.
Before I had time to react, my feet splayed out from under me and my body pitched forward. I hit my chin, my forearms, my elbow and my knees on the rubber mat that kept rotating.
Nooooo, I’m going to be sucked up by the roller.
“Oh no, sorry madame, sorry,” the doctor said. “I am not sure how that happened."
“I’m okay,” I gasped feeling mortified. Who the heck face plants on a treadmill at the cardiologist’s?
After profuse apologies, the doctor sat me on her exam table and told me, “calm down and raise your arm.”
As she fitted the blood pressure cuff, she explained, “I need to record one more reading”.
Of course doc, my BP is too high right now, I wanted to tell her. I just survived a near death experience.
What? Am I hearing clearly. She wants further investigation.
“I am going to set you up for a heart CAT scan to check the valves and heart function and to rule out coronary artery disease,” the cardiologist said, “Don’t worry, this is routine procedure.”
Sure for someone who flunked the treadmill test.
Now once again, I have to squeeze into a white cylinder the size of a toilet paper roll.
Necessary? Really? After a life time of X-rays from accidents and injuries, I am pretty sure, I glow in dark.
“Seriously, doc, “ I lament. “I don’t need more tests. I know why I am short of breath. “You try keeping up with a sixty-nine-year-old Frenchman, who thinks he is 20!”
“Yep, typical,” the hubby says, “Throws her mate under the bus.”
Again!
Oh Pat, another curdle to jump. Life is full of them and it seems you have had more than your fair share. I’ll be praying for you. I know that your heart is as good as gold. Love you!
Aww that is so sweet to say Joan. Yes, I have a good heart and hope it keeps ticking! Love you back.
Oh, Pat! Glad you are ok!
Thanks Nancy. Yes I am okay and still full of mischief!
Well, Pat, if you had to face-plant on the treadmill, at least you did it in front of a doctor! Seriously, I’m sorry you had to go through this. I learned when my mom was alive that doctors love to put you on their train … and keep you there. Whether it’s with pills, tests, exams, or whatever, they’re only too happy to have another subject in their clutches. I hope everything turns out just fine. With all your athleticism, I’m sure you’ll put them all to shame! You’re in my prayers, friend!
Thanks Debbie. I think you are right about docs wanting to put you on their train. Once they start searching, they seem to be able find any little thing that needs to be investigated (or not) & refer you on to another specialist of another body part!ha ha
Oh Pat, you really should not make your misfortune So funny and enjoyable. It is a tribute to your gift for words! After lmao, I am feeling guilty as I truly am more concerned about your well-being! I’m sorry to hear there was need to go thru the heart tests. On the other hand, I’m glad you are continuing to get it checked out despite your mishap. It displays your courage and willingness to compete or fight Whatever is standing in your way. You have “face-planted” before, and came thru it and you will again!
Thanks dear old friend. But I am not worried. My heart is strong. That said she wants me to see another specialist of course, but some other anomaly that showed up on scan. I think at our age if they look closely enough they will always find something! ha Don’t you worry my fighting Golden Warrior spirit is always intact and in spite of all the bumps & bruises, I keep seeing the lighter side of life! Glad you enjoyed a chuckle and hope you are doing well.
Pat, I am so sorry but I belly laughed all through this article, I could just picture you lying on top of the treadmill like the guy in your last photo. Sick humor I know and I apologize but it is just so well written. Glad you are okay and are getting answers to your SOB problem. Take care.
So glad I gave you a chuckle. I take that as a real compliment coming from you, a pro comedian! Oh dear, I hope my silly antics haven’t turned into fodder for your next performance. Ha ha