Between our old furniture falling apart after three years in storage and builders mistakes, each day in our new house brings a challenge. One morning, I opened the closet and the hanging rod broke, burying me under an avalanche of clothes. The next day the drawers collapsed, stripped from the support rail.
Meanwhile, Gerald struggled to assemble the innovative Swedish do-it-yourself home furnishings and shelves. IKEA is like Lego for adults.
“I need more shelves,” I whine, “Move it higher. Lower. To the left. To the right.”
We nearly split up over the process of making do known as “bricolage,” which is derived from the French verb bricoler (“to putter about") and related to bricoleur, the French name for a jack-of-all-trades.
Bricolage projects can put any marriage at risk.
A trip to a Swiss equivalent of Menards or Home Depot does my head in with its rows of wood, tile, kitchen, bathroom and plumbing fixtures and endless racks of tools, clamps, brackets, bolts and shelving.
While Gerald headed down aisle five to find a specific size screw out of a billion choices, I meandered down thoroughfare where I’m sideswiped by a motorized vehicle hauling lumber across the store. To escape traffic, I ducked into aisle three where I breathed deep and touched my toes ten times.
Then I wandered over to the luminaires department where hundred of different light fixtures blink. Imagine the spectacular light show? There were suspension, platform, ceiling, wall, desk, and table lights in three categories - incandescent, fluorescent, and high intensity discharge - all with various strengths of bulbs to choose from.
We needed to buy twenty-two different light fixtures and I can’t decide one!
Home improvement retail stores are Candy Shops for the amateur bricoleur, but they make me feel discombobulated. It’s as if I am taking psychedelics and trapped in Disneyland. My brain short circuited from the sensory overload of bright lights and cacophony of voices and canned music.
Gerald, once a successful CEO, managing a big company, has a meltdown trying to figure out which hook to buy to hang one light fixture. He gave up and bought a dozen in different sizes.
I can distinguish between a classic nail and a screw, but there are 25 different kinds of nails and 26 different types of screws in dozens of sizes. Even worse, Swiss measurements are in the metric system (ie. centimeters, millimeters), but my poor brain is stuck in inches, feet, and yards.
I never ask for help. A French speaking salesman will tell me where items can be found, but I can’t translate his words to English. I have no clue what a “lathe” is in any language. I can differentiate a hammer from a screw driver, but I’d never know a Phillips from a flathead. Learning the lingo for DYI terminology is like trying to master Chinese.
Ever the good sport, back at the house, I tried to help Gerald put together shelves and hang light fixtures. All I learned was that “I hate bricolage!” But now I can appreciate why guys swear so much when doing home improvement projects.
I still have no idea when our house will be finished, but no worries. In the meantime, I am broadening my French vocabulary.
Hi Pat! I feel your pain!!! Ever since we bought our tiny home here in AZ we’ve been doing a lot of those home-improvement projects. And yes, it does help you to use and practice a variety of words and phrases that we don’t usually use. While our project is MUCH smaller than yours I can sympathize for sure. Our daily affirmation is “pace yourself” and that helps. It is good to remember that it doesn’t ALL have to be done today. Good luck and try to enjoy the process!!! ~Kathy
Kathy, it was such a nice surprise to hear from you. And thanks for the advice on settling in. My sister also had a wise suggestion, she reminded me, “give each other grace,” when my husband and I got snarly with each other when things kept going wrong. Arizona must be a wonderful place to live with all that sunshine!
Pat, good luck with everything. Home improvement is stressful!
Thanks Nancy. It was fun hearing from you after all these years. Thanks for reaching out.
Pat, it’s good that you can look on the bright side during this house-building challenge! I suspect most folks would be upset and cranky, rather than trying to dig in and learn. Hang in there, my friend, and good luck learning French!
Debbie, I am trying to keep my sense of humor although it id difficult at times like today when we couldn’t get the electric garage door open and were locked out in the snow. Again! This has already happened several times. My French vocabulary just keeps growing!!!