A New Year Older, Oh La La…

OMG oh my God… a New Year  means I am a year older.  How did this happen ?  When I look in the mirror,  I am shocked by the reflection of the stranger in the glass.  My nose  enlarged, my chin recedes and my lips, barely visible, regress.  The corners of my mouth turn down. What is that goofy mask I am wearing ?  My jowls sag, my chin doubles, my eyes bag, my hair greys, my skin wrinkles.  Now I understand why women undergo the knife. Forget simple face lift, I need an entire body boost.  But once one starts nipping and tucking there is no end.  Face peels, botox injections, cosmetic surgeries.

I am lucky that due to my medical treatment, I have a great camouflage for aging. I have to wear big bulky dark glasses that a student once told me, « Looks like a dead animal covering your face ! »

My shades conveniently hide any imperfections.  Also since I see everything in dimmer mode, I assume people have trouble seeing me too.  But take off the dark glasses and look out.  My face has been ravaged by time….too many summer days under blazing suns life-guarding, too many hours teaching sports outdoors, too many year ignoring the natural elements and swearing off synthetic beauty products. Mary Kay be damned.

Cheer up. With age comes wisdom.  Smile.  Are you kidding me ?  I love The Color Purple, but not for teeth.  I look like I have mouth filled with blueberries.  Antioxidants and antibiotics do a number on the canines.

Teeth whiteners, brighteners lighteners.  Creams to regenerate, rejuvenate, to blend crows-feet, cover age spots. Make ups to hide, tint, color, and resurface the skin.  Consumers spend a small fortune pursing the foundation of youth in a bottle. Cover the mirrors, succumb to the battle, embrace growing old gracefully.  And take it from me, never, ever leave the house without the dark shades.

Like a lot of women, feeling slouchier, slumpier and frumpier in the new year, I rushed to the nearest department store for a little inexpensive pick me up for returning to teaching.  I tried on a pair of fitted, navy blue sweats in front of the mirror in the hallway of the dressing room, glaring at my reflection when I heard a voice behind me.

« Wow,  you look great – slender and long legged. That’s the build designers had in mind, when they invented that style , » the clerk said…  Check out your backside !

Now I have the perfect solution to ace the aging game, forget the face off, present the backside first.

Posted in humor.

14 Comments

  1. I love it! I can totally relate to the “who’s this in the mirror” bit, and I also appreciate having a solution. Present the back side first may work perfectly; I’ll try it! 🙂

  2. Ha! I’ve been using expensive cosmetics since I was 24 years old and it still hasn’t helped. And whoever invented the phrase, “Grow old gracefully.” Some teenie bopper, fashion model, no doubt.
    I’m totally with you on the rear view first. Thank goodness some things don’t change.

  3. That is why I always do some walking backwards on our neighborhood treks!! Get that backside in shape! Like you, I am not really into all the creams and lotions-just give me a good stocking hat to cover my bed hair and I am good. Maybe we should have a fashion show up at the lake this year.

  4. Too funny, Pat! But what advice do you have if your back side isn’t all that great either? HA!

  5. I relate too! I’ve forgone all makeup for so long I wouldn’t know what to do with it. In the meantime, weird things go on (such as a little chin hair sticking out) and my eyesight isn’t even good enough to catch them in time! I guess that’s a good thing, but when I discover the “flaw” I am embarrased.

  6. Hi Pat- I so love this post and man can I relate! Just had another BD on Jan 14th…One thing for certain as long as you live, you’re bound to get older!!! I don’t beat myself up so much, just roll with it baby:):)

    Keep Shining!
    Clara.

  7. Ha ha, Patty! Loved your take on this topic!
    And I love the look of your new page.
    It’s great to see your pic…..beautiful smile!

  8. No “dead animal”! Smashing look!!! And, once you are feeling better, who cares about looks. Hope you continue to feel well! After my 2yrs of medical stuff, I am up to 104 and exercising so it won’t go in the wrong places. I’ll send you photos of Mexico and my “splurge” of a new bathing suit. Tnx for sharing. Love you … T O P

  9. I’ve decided it’s God’s plan that as we age, our eyes become a natural filter to all those other flaws that come with aging! So, don’t mess with His Grand Plan–don’t wear glasses when looking in the mirror. Does wonders for the ego. Only problem is, most of my students’ vision is 20/20!

    By the way, were those Yoga pants you bought?
    Yockway!

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